Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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