I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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