its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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