is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
