You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
