Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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