YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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