it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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