do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
