We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
