Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
