have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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