You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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