i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize