Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
