Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
