you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize