Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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