Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
