i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Bring me that man meat
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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