you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
