FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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