so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
