if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
