I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
