I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
