Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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