Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
