He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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