If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
