Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
