We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
