I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
