Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
