ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
