hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
