okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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