Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
