I want to make a zoo with you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
