You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
