U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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