Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Bring me that man meat
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
