I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He shit in the fireplace
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
