I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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