i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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