If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize