He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
