I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
