Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
