I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
