I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
