Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
