Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize