So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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