We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
