i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
