I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
