i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize