i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
