After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
