the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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