Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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