He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
