I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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