I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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