Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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