I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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