I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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