It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize