I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
