If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
