i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
