found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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