so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
