Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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